A new horizon

Last week I unveiled my new website http://www.chandramarin.com/
In my process of writing my book, I also need to build a platform to collect followers, and this blog just was not cutting it.  So I am going to retire this blog and move on over to my beautiful website. I hope you will come on over and check it out.  You can also sign up for the Fresh Perspective, Free Joy newsletter and stay connected with periodic updates.

This blog has been a joy to me as it details my life up until now. Thanks for following.  See you soon at www.chandramarin.com

Chandra

A timid knock on the door of the universe

I admit it. I care about what others think about me.
It keeps me quiet even though I want to share. It is a voice in my head that controls me, makes me re-think everything I want to say or do until I am tied up in knots of fear that I abandon my project. Back I go to stifled creativity and expression.

When I read others who are sharing in a raw, vulnerable, real way I feel invited.
I want to share my voice, my story,
I desire real connection. But it is a big world and I don't know who is reading  and what you are all thinking.  It keeps me off the stage, closed in my house and quiet.

So how do I bust past those limits consistently to tell my story - for I am writing a book, a memoir, for heavens sake.  I must find more comfort in expression.

What if I didn't worry?

My beloved book

The vision was clear, in the bottom right corner of my mind appeared a book. I said to the group I was with, "there is a book for me to write". It was clear, it was true. I was back on track.

I knew about this book. Two months before, I was planning for it, conceptualizing it in my mind. There was a goal set, a year given, momentuum felt- but put on hold to come home after a year of travelling with my husband. I was to start up my counseling business (New Freedom Center) and get working so my husband could immigrate to the U.S. 

 

Two months after being home, I went to a conference with the intention to network. In the first breakout session, the presenter had us visualize ourselves on our death bed surrounded by our dreams, talents, gifts, goals etc.  She invited us to see which of those surrounding our bed were peacefully smiling upon us, feeling fullfillment of their purposes, and which others were upset knowing they would die with us unfullfilled.  In my visualization, there it was, the book.  I knew it was mine like a mother knows her own child.  

I had no idea how to go about writing a book but that didn't matter. I knew in that moment I would do it. I knew from experience that I could do things considered hard or out of my comfort zone. I had already left the comfort of letting things just happen and was actively creating my life. 

 

I told the group with sparkly tingles in my body about this book. I recommitted to the process. I already had an idea, a timeline, and a goal that was 10 months away.  The next day at the conference a speaker (a New York Times best selling author) shared her passion as a writing coach. She was putting on a writing conference in a few weeks to help rid people their blocks and coach them through the publishing process. My eyes widdened by the "bolt of lightning" that electrified me as she spoke.

 

I signed up on the spot because I cannot not obey lightning and visions.  Thanks Angie Fenimore, The Calliope Writing Coach.  (check me out on her testimonial video!)

Six months later, I feel en-JOY-ment in this beautiful process. I have found my voice and have benefited by the healing that personal writing offers. Thank you to my husband, who is on his own for now.  I have put everything on hold for this baby.  My beloved book.
 

Guess what...

I am writing a book! 
I am on self-imposed martial law, or in other words in isolation for at least the next couple of months.  I have a goal to have my narrative non-fiction book into the hands of someone by the time I turn 40- which is in 316 days, 12 minutes and 8 seconds! 

I am doing this! 
Stay tuned...

A year

So what is a year?  

Every year I get to reflect. What happened during this year?  I lived a whole 'nother 365 days.

This year I started in one country (Peru) and ended it in another (Sweden).  A sabatical year.  

It was a year of wonderful experience.  

I love the person I have grown into.

I love my husband.    

I love what is ahead. 

I love.  

This picture was taken in the same place in Sweden.  The first in 2013, before we were married, the second this Christmas.  Maybe we will have to go back each year and see what has changed for us.  

My goal this year is to write a book.  I am in the midst of it now.  

Messages

Get a pen and paper and get your brain out of the way!

There is work to be done through you- 

you are the channel for it

it can plug in to you.

All you have to do is write. Write fast because it flows.

There is no thinking- perfectly crafted sentences come~

Making music

There is a rhythm that my angels want me to hear

fastidius the ponderings of the mind 

a field of fragrant lavender this world profers.

Love awaiting us to wrap in the summery excitement.

Being is painful

the friction of sand

the beaches of my childhood fortify.

My collar loading the many troubles and cares. 

But for a small moment refreshing is the day of relaxation.

Words on a page

channeling 

finding my space

realizing much

a practice of life

letting words flow

soon to take shape

the message of

my angels.  

Floating

This place I have found in the flow of joy, peace and abundance

feels like I float above the ground of limits, fear and darkness.  

Everything has significance and meaning. 

In place of being controlled by life's events - 

I am the creator.  

Stubbing my toe is a beautiful thing.  It holds great information in my creating.  

Allowing and accepting and loving my true nature, my own harmony and rhythm, my true flow

has led me past resistance, disharmony, confusion, and guilt and to...

my fount of creating expression, my conduit of connection with neverending discovery and miracles. 

I joyfully go on my manifesting way. 

"...I will cause thee to ride upon the high places of the earth."  Isaiah 58:14

"And The Lord shall guide thee continuially, and satisfy thy soul in drought, and make fat thy bones, and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and a spring of water, whose waters fail not".  Isaiah 58:11

The mother is releasing them to fulfill the measure. 

So graceful the light tumbling, 

touching others on their way to the next stage.

She has birthed and nurtured, joyed in their growth and pressence

Now it is their time.

With a twinge of longing she blesses their readiness

as they jump. 

Beauty witnessed.

So many - yet each one known.

Every year when the leaves fall down. 

By Leo and I

It is remarkable how we met

It was both of us flowing

in the channel of possiblity

fully expecting-

a better world

the magnetic force to pull, pull, pull, pull

towards SMACK!

and what happened?

I found you. 

With writing

it is joyful to find expression - so just let it flow.

there is an electric buzzing where time and space fade into the background

the channel opens and words flow in a steady stream.

Describing the ineffable

they come with no effort - I just have to write.

My writing is something I want to share - in hopes I can open up and be known and that God can be known through the words.

I am not the creator-

The creator flows through me, through my heart and out.

I am learning more and more to move aside my limited conceptualizing and 

be a conduit for the universe. 

What am I willing to do? 

Whatever.  

Be present, 

notice what arrives, 

record it.  

My early years

 

 

  
 

 

Mission

Just 18 short years ago I was in the process of deciding to go on a mission.  I am so glad I did!  I have enjoyed turning my mission memories digital. 

Reading my mission call - BRAZIL!!!   Recife South Mission

The family goodbye at the MTC

My first companion Sister Mcknight

MTC district

Cows in the road- Cajuedo Seco, Recife

 

 Sister Santos and I, baptism of Edward - Siquero Campos, Aracaju

Sister Izu in Massangana, Recife

  

Sister Hodge - Sao Miguel dos Campos, Alagoas

  

Baptism of 12 people, with S. Ferriera - Sao Miguel

 

 The church at Sao Miguel

 Marriage and baptism of Monica- Sao Miguel

Branch activity - Sao Miguel

Sister Lima at the beach

 

Cana (sugar cane)

I pray that our voices, memories of love and service may always be in the air as the burning cana. 

That the nostalgia may enter in and stir us to a sweet remembrance of our Lord, and His just ways.

That armed with more courage, hope, strength, determination and love we may overcome and follow the footsteps of happiness. 

That with privilege the Lord will grant His blessings.

Dark and cloudy skies brimming with tears 

as we get ready to part.  

Goodbye Stockholm, Sweden and the space you have held for me, the inspiration you have provided me.  

"Goodbye Chandra and the positive energy vibration you unleashed here.  Thank you for the joy and appreciation for me and my people".

 

             

     

My forest I walk through to get to the subway

 

 

"In high vibration states, the entire universe opens to us". ~ Sara Wiseman   

Mindful meditations on my morning breakfast

making dams of muesli and chia seeds
breaking them and watching
how long it takes for milk to flood
the valley at the bottom of my bowl
zoning out on raisins or
left over walnut flavor on my tongue

But I don't have time for that!

But then you don't have time for
the extreme peace that flows freely through the spaces in your body-
filling with light love-
with a calmness that quiets what might be important and urgent-

to
what is.
what is right here.
right now.

Because the rest is a movie, an illusion your thoughts have created.

Close your eyes and take a deep breath,
and another one slower and deeper than the first.
Feel the inside of your body-
what do you notice...


It beckons you to feel the aliveness-
the other world that exists within you. 
The universe.

Now before your mind tries to take back over
with how hurried you need to be for this
and for that next thing you think you have to do,
listen inside for the invitation your spirit sends you-
to come back. 

The rain called to me today from my window.
My body heard its invitation and pleaded with me like a little kid over and over-
Can we go?  Can we?  Can we? 
Until I went. 

It didn't matter what I came up with to justify me staying behind the window.
I already knew how cool and refreshing it would be-
how cleansing and magical it would feel to close my eyes and look up-
how presently I could be with nature.

I had such respect for that pine tree whose branch called out for me to help it, as I turned to go in.
It being weighed down with a thousand droplets of water-
and it having seen me relieve neighboring branches,
invited me into its process.

Buzzing

I took a walk this morning, it felt good. I wondered if it was okay to go out walking because recently when I have thought of taking a walk, my body commanded me to stay put in dramatic ways.  I have been listening and obeying it and have discovered wonderful things by doing so.

After my walk, I had many things on my mind to do, but felt an old familiar confusion about where to start.  I felt tired, and so I laid down to nap.  I woke feeling more doubt and confusion about what to do, where to start, what was the most important- best thing to do first, then second etc. till I felt paralyzed to do anything.  I wondered if I should feel guilty for going out and pushing myself, then felt confused by that.  It is a slippery slope...does this sound familiar? 

The opposite of these feelings is a peaceful flow from one thing to the next. I see inspiration flow in and creativity flow out, I feel guided in my efforts. I feel there is an abundance of time and joy in what I get to do. 

So today, I acknowledged the feelings and stopped giving them time, attention and power by reading a delightful book by Selma Lagerlof about a boy who gets turned into an small elf and takes a journey across Sweden on the back of a goose. (This is an advertisement for the book- it is a fun read for any age! The Wonderful Adventures of Nils Holgersson).  After reading one chapter, POP!  The flow arrived and I wrote the following. 

Hello,
If you have read my blog, you may have enjoyed my travel adventures and pictures, or you may have enjoyed my play with poetry and words. You may have enjoyed reading about this amazing manifested miracle that happened named Leo a year ago.

I have enjoyed this blog and the process of me becoming vulnerable. When I first started it, it was a private blog, now it is public and more and more I am posting my truth. There was a time in the not too distant of my past that I could not tell or live my truth, because I didn't know it. It was so buried under what I thought I should do, how I should be, and what I should say to get love and approval.

Over the last 3 years or so I have undergone intensive digging down to the core of my being to uncover that truth. I have done this by identifying and releasing faulty core beliefs I have picked up along the way in my physical experience and by remembering my truth. I have had companions along the way to help with this digging. I had a friend introduce me to Rapid Eye Technology (RET) which was a major tool to get this process started. It was like therapy on steroids! I direct you to my business website for more about RET and my story New Freedom Center

I discovered Carol Tuttle's energy types and began living and Dressing my Truth.

Here I sit four years later, I am certified in RET and starting my practice. I have received additional training and instruction on this- my life mission.  I feel so alive and free, so much joy, love, meaning, purpose, abundance, excitement, peace, direction,and tools for when life gets a little rocky. I no longer wait for the other shoe to drop, or for the roller coaster ride to end. I believe that everything in my life is perfect, only perfect things happen to me.  That even includes the, what I considered in the past to be, tough, dark, unknown, and scary times.  Those times, though uncomfortable, hold great information and meaning.  I now have tools to acknowledge and accept them for what they are. The resistance is gone to those moments, instead, I wait and listen.

And now, I want to share.  I want to share my truth. Those that share their truth with me will never know how inspired I feel by their vulnerability.  How inviting it has been to help me write this post and the posts that will follow.

I no longer need to hide because I have the only love and approval I will ever need...my own.
So I love and approve this post. 
In gratitude and love.
p.s. lots of love going on...

burst forth

I have a friend who has a blog. She is a writer, which I have always been star struck by, and is pouring her heart out on a blog.  Every time I read a new entry of hers, I feel such a bursting forth from within to write. She is telling her truth and being vulnerable, and it invites me to do the same.

Her blog  Go and check it out and come back though,  I am working up the courage to share my truth.

Maybe I will start by telling you how we know each other.

She moved into my neighborhood and began attending my church. I saw her and wanted to know her, but we were both involved in different activities. Then fate brought us together. Because we were supposed to know each other, I can see that, and we can both see that great things are ahead of us in our soul sisterliness.

When we get together, it is like pillow talk x10. Pillow talk is what teenage girls do at sleepovers, talk non-stop, all night long.  We can go for hours, especially if we have popcorn on hand.  We don't discuss our recent crushes or what so and so did in gym class.  It is hard to describe what happens when we talk.  It feel like we are coming to deep understanding- one will start a topic and when finished, the other will have an idea sparked from their personal experience that they will share, and it goes back and forth. Sometimes you can follow the thread, sometimes everything seems unrelated, until we arrive at the end. We share dreams we have had that the other will interpret with jaw dropping accuracy. Everything seems related and builds on each other.   Deep soul learning is then tied up with all that has been said into a package delivered to each of us as we progress on our individual journeys.

We have had very different life experiences, but it seems that we are on parallel pathways now joined going to a specific destination. She has been such a powerful part of my process in the last few years. We have had some amazing experiences together.

While I have been out of the country this last year, we discovered Skype, and now have weekly sessions. I think our record we have talked was 3 hours, 45 minutes! We found that when we talk about something that has a lot of energy/power tied to it, that a river will run through our space. I hear a rushing river sound, she hears nothing, not even my voice. We wait until it is gone and resume discussions.  We are just too powerful for Skype! 

Currently we both feel like we are being prepared for something great together. There are some major remodeling projects going on in our lives right now in preparation, so stay tuned...

I am bursting forth.

Please pass the salt

In Mark, we are told that salt is good. “Everyone shall be salted with fire”, (fire is what he uses to refine us. It is usually spoken of as trials of life, difficult things that humble us and give us choices).

We can choose- pain, bitterness, hate, revenge, resentment. Or we can choose what that humble place offers us, access to God- we can turn to him, cry to him, place our trust and have faith in him. We can do things that open our mind and heart to him (scriptures, prayer, temple, pondering). If we choose to sacrifice our natural man responses to our fire, “every sacrifice shall be salted with salt”.

“Salt is good; but if the salt have lost his saltness, where with will ye season it?”  If life didn’t have experiences where we can be salted with salt, or in other words gain knowledge through our experiences as we exercise our agency, we could not progress.  Without the opportunities to receive salted salt from our sacrifices, we would not have any savor. 

Because back up to the fire part, if we choose the road of pain, bitterness, etc., we will continue to be “salted” with fire; or given opportunities to receive salt.  If we choose Him, he offers us the savor of freedom, love, understanding, spirit and peace.  When we choose to see the learning and growth opportunities of our experiences, the potential purpose in all things, then we are given strength to walk through the fire. 

So He says, “have salt in yourselves, and have peace one with another”. Have salt, enjoy the salt, rejoice in as much salt as you can get. Salt means you have worked through a challenging situation and allowed it to teach you. 

In Romans 5:3-5 it reads:  “And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope: and hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us”.

Salt is joy, abundance, love, peace, spirit, and deep soul understanding. 

Mark 9:49-50   “For every one shall be salted with fire, and every sacrifice shall be salted with salt. 

Salt is good: but if the salt have lost his saltness, wherewith will ye season it? Have salt in yourselves, and have peace one with another”.
 

 

Believe

I want to share something I wrote to a friend who was troubled about issues her daughter is experiencing right now. 

 

 

Remember the story when Jesus is approached by Jarius, who asks if he can come and heal his daughter who is very sick.  In fact her father is desperate and falls at his feet, he believes she is at the point of death.

 

Can you imagine this father's worry, desperation, faith, and hope in Jesus?  So Jesus goes with him, then the account shifts to the beautiful story of the woman with the issue of blood that touched the Lord's garment and was healed (Mark 5).  Next, someone comes and reports that Jarius' daughter had died.  I bet you can imagine the pain and grief that ripped this man's heart opened.  The despair that weakens the physical body at this reality was pronounced.

 

The account says, " as soon as Jesus heard the word that was spoken, he saith unto Jarius, be not afraid, only believe".   I imagine, that Christ leaned in to whisper it to this man, with the full power of his love and compassion. 

 

I imagine he whispers this to me, "be not afraid, only believe.  Believe that I have all power, all is in my hands. Turn to me, trust me, and keep moving forward with me".  Calm all those fears, what if's, racing thoughts, etc. and feel the power of my peace. My heart overflows with love, my eyes fill with warm tears.  Our lives, the lives of our children are all in his hands. We are encouraged to be not afraid, only believe. 

 

I believe that our experiences all hold deep soul learning, that we came to this earth to experience. Parents have increased the risk of earthly pain by having children that your hearts are so tied to.  So vulnerable are you to feel pain and suffering as you see them experience what they came to work out. 

 

I believe that as you listen to what the Savior is telling Jarius, you can increase your faith to add to Jesus' power to heal and care for yourself and your children.  That is what he needed from the people he healed, their faith.  You have that faith, and he invites you to amplify it.

"Be not afraid, only believe".