Believe

I want to share something I wrote to a friend who was troubled about issues her daughter is experiencing right now. 

 

 

Remember the story when Jesus is approached by Jarius, who asks if he can come and heal his daughter who is very sick.  In fact her father is desperate and falls at his feet, he believes she is at the point of death.

 

Can you imagine this father's worry, desperation, faith, and hope in Jesus?  So Jesus goes with him, then the account shifts to the beautiful story of the woman with the issue of blood that touched the Lord's garment and was healed (Mark 5).  Next, someone comes and reports that Jarius' daughter had died.  I bet you can imagine the pain and grief that ripped this man's heart opened.  The despair that weakens the physical body at this reality was pronounced.

 

The account says, " as soon as Jesus heard the word that was spoken, he saith unto Jarius, be not afraid, only believe".   I imagine, that Christ leaned in to whisper it to this man, with the full power of his love and compassion. 

 

I imagine he whispers this to me, "be not afraid, only believe.  Believe that I have all power, all is in my hands. Turn to me, trust me, and keep moving forward with me".  Calm all those fears, what if's, racing thoughts, etc. and feel the power of my peace. My heart overflows with love, my eyes fill with warm tears.  Our lives, the lives of our children are all in his hands. We are encouraged to be not afraid, only believe. 

 

I believe that our experiences all hold deep soul learning, that we came to this earth to experience. Parents have increased the risk of earthly pain by having children that your hearts are so tied to.  So vulnerable are you to feel pain and suffering as you see them experience what they came to work out. 

 

I believe that as you listen to what the Savior is telling Jarius, you can increase your faith to add to Jesus' power to heal and care for yourself and your children.  That is what he needed from the people he healed, their faith.  You have that faith, and he invites you to amplify it.

"Be not afraid, only believe". 

 

Baby Hannah Faye

Dear baby Hannah,
I love you!  I am so excited to be your aunt. I love this picture of you looking up at your mom and waving to the world.  I wish I could kiss those sweet checks.  But like when your brother came, I am across the world, just wishing I could be with you. Well even if I miss the first few months, we have a lifetime.  Born June 25, 2014. 

I walked out my door, in Stockholm Sweden, and with 10 steps can be in the woods.  I am surrounded by trees, there is a beautiful deer, and am drawn towards the energy of peace. I discovered this was an option for me when I came back from the museum last night.  I was so uncomfortable, hungry and tired.  It was dusk with its muted subtle lighting and I can walk through a stretch of woods to get to my apartment.  The moment I stepped into the quiet, soft stillness of the trees, I instantly felt peace settle in my chest. I breathed in deep calmness and had to sit on a bench for a minute.  It was my kind of energy and it healed me. 

So I went out tonight- same time, same woods.  As I walked, taking deep breaths of this new found medication, I came into a meadow with natural bushes of my favorite flower.  Lilacs in bloom.  I gathered some to take home this little souvenir of two-ness. 

  (Two-ness refers to my energy type from Carol Tuttle's work)

 

Maybe you expected a picture of the woods...well, maybe tomorrow.

 

Spain

I sit here on the balcony of my dreams looking out the window of the sea.
For just a few more days am I to be wrapped in this perfect weather. I move on to the next destination to join my husband on our march of the unknown year. Our sargeant the U.S. government. We have lived on the street of dogs, the house on the sea and now to share 15 square meters. Just 5 more meters than those of the jail cell they just confined the Spanish bullfighter to.

My weekly recycled clothes scream for retirement. My suitcase back to work after a 6-week vacation. My journal on it final count down to shelve the last four years; the start and end, not recognizable as the same.  

All past recent dreams being fulfilled teaches me that life is life wherever. Our fancy imaginations carry us away from what is possible around us. Romantic dreams dull the colored picture of our daily choices.  Hard to see in the shading the power we posses.  

 

I love Torrevieja Spain.  I love my bike.

We love the beach even when it is a little too chili to swim.

The pink salty lake that you smother healing mud all over, let it dry, then float in the salt water as you wash the mud off.

 

 

 

Tortas and toasts

There have been a lot of birthdays and celebrations in the last two months.


Anibal - January 20
Chandra - January 24
Anna Lucia (Marta's mom) - February 11
Raquel - February 15
48 Anniversary of Armando and Raquel (my in-laws) - February 26
Aunt Mely - February 27

 

 

 

New year

What have I gone and done?

I married an international man!  We are going around the world.  I have been on a sabbatical for 6 months now - to Italy, Sweden, Spain and Peru.  This man goes beyond the bounds of my little nicely packed world of Utah.

Fireworks in Lima Peru

I can imagine what life might be like, but I get a feeling that the possibilities are beyond my imaginations.  My vision is so limited and finite.  I am glad there are no limits.  I am glad it is beyond my creating, my thinking is so small.  

  Now we are two, our lives combined, our pathway one.  We are a team, a powerful partnership, establishing a foundation of love and faith.  Seeking God's will.  Letting go of my vision, I sit on the brink of my future.

Busses

There is a bus ride, we try to avoid if possible, but to some places, the yellow bus is the only one to take. To Tia Violetta's or the Zoo.  The ride, just over an hour, past the Volvo (the busiest horn honking, crazy drivers intersection), the mountain of houses. We take our seat in the back of the bus, where the husband can stretch out his long Peruvian legs. The back is bouncier over the pot-holed street. I get a window seat, a seat to watch those get on and off the bus. I put my head phones in to listen to familiar music or a BYU devotional to try and block out the sound.

 

Riding the bus in Peru, as one writer put it, at times defies the law of gravity.  With your community of fellow bus riders, gritting their teeth against the bumps and movement of the bus, we are in the hands of the driver. Has he ever been a rider?  I wonder sometimes the way he rushes ahead, trying to pass others just to come to a screeching halt at the lift of an arm at the next corner.  Does he know what it is like when you cannot firmly plant  your feet in a shoulder width stance of stability; because there are too many feet?  Maybe he understands that with the press of bodies, no one is going anywhere.